MARTHA HAS ROLLICKING-GOOD TIME IN CITY OF RISING SUN
For Immediate Release
Contact: Martha Tinkler
November 1, 2006
TINKLER DECLARES NEW ORLEANS STILL FUN, ADOPTS NEW FRIEND
Washington, DC- After her three day humanitarian campaign in New Orleans, Martha Tinkler announced today that the Crescent City can still bring ‘da’ fun. In a written statement, (she was unable to speak in public due to extreme fatness, the bloat, a hangover, and general fatigue) Ms. Tinkler pronounced her trip to be a rousing success.
“It felt like coming home,” she said in her statement. Martha later qualified her statement by explaining that to her, home means a squalid area that is populated with drunken idiots and crazies.
Ms. Tinkler’s trip was accentuated by a day-long outing to the VooDoo Music Festival, where she was surrounded by people ‘”taking the pot.” In addition to seeing several bands, including The Flaming Lips, Kings of Leon, and Juvenile, Martha enjoyed a set played by Duran Duran, after which the lead singer Simon invited her back to the trailer …for drinking. Due to her busy schedule, she had to decline the offer, but she appreciated it nonetheless.
While at the festival, Tinkler decided, after much deliberation and soul-searching, to adopt one Kristi Gustavson as a best friend after seeing the neglect and abandonment inflicted upon Ms. Gustavson by Sarah Tinkler, the former best friend, and sister of Martha. Once again, Marf put her humanitarian causes ahead of her personal comforts.
“I do already have several best friends and I certainly was not looking for another,” Martha said in her statement. “It is hard to have as many friends as I do, but when I saw the pain in Kristi’s eyes, I knew what had to be done.”
Martha was delighted with her trip as a whole, and contemplated very seriously not returning to DC, the city that never stops sucking. It pained her to leave her beloved sister, and beloved new-best-friend-Kristi. Though Martha does not have any current plans to return to New Orleans, she assured her public that she would be back soon, and plans to keep her word.
“I know what it means to miss New Orleans,” said Ms. Tinkler, in a moment of near-sincerity.