WILDCATS SURPRISE BADGERS!

For Immediate Release
Contact: Martha Tinkler
martha.tinkler@gmail.com or www.marthatinkler.com

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

TINKLER TO TACKLE TINSELTOWN

Memphis, TN – Today, after weeks of silence, Martha Tinkler’s office released her long-awaited plan: “Martha’s LA Plan: A Safari Adventure”. Though there have been rumors and much speculation, this is the first official statement Ms.Tinkler has made on the topic.

“I’ve been thinking about leaving Memphis for a long time now, “Tinkler explained wistfully. “But I was conflicted and confused. Turning inward, to Safari, gave me the guidance I needed to finally make a choice, a change.”

Ms.Tinkler introduced her Safari way of life on her wildly popular blog WILDCATS SURPRISE BADGERS .“Safari is more than just a look, it is a state of mind, a state of being. It combines an ease of mind with ruthless efficiency…”

Martha’s LA Plan: A Safari Adventure is a three-pronged plan covering not only transportation and lodging, but also employment, social engagements, and fashion.

Prong One: Drive to Los Angeles. Ms.Tinkler will depart Saturday morning and plans to arrive in LA late Sunday night. Tinkler will be driving her 2003 Volkswagen Jetta, and will be accompanied by long-time friend Brenna Mc____, also of Memphis. The duo will be stopping in Albuquerque on Saturday night for a bit of respite.

Prong Two: Try it on for size. Once in Los Angeles, Martha will be staying with her brother and his lovely fiancé. While there, Tinkler will research neighborhoods to ascertain the most efficient living arrangement. Tinkler currently has two weeks of gainful, freelance employment, but will be searching relentlessly for more, with the help of gal pal, and culinary genius Brianna B____, of Venice Beach.

Prong Three: Triumphant return. After establishing herself fully in approximately two months, Ms.Tinkler will return to Memphis for a two week engagement, at which time she will quit her current residence, put on a farewell tour, and possibly have a yard sale.

In keeping with her Safari lifestyle, Tinkler’s plan is light and flexible. Her new lifestyle also prompted her  decision against moving to Savannah, GA, stating only that “Savannah was not ‘Safari-ready’”.

For more information on Martha Tinkler, Safari, her yard sale, or LA, please check marthatinkler.com.

####

.

aahe

It is hot here.

I grew up here, never lived anywhere much cooler, and yet I am always shocked by summer. Its sheer audacity is an affront to polite society. It is difficult to be decent–much less my usual level of genteel–in such oppressive heat. It inspires a brutality and vulgarity that are rarely seen in other seasons.

This year–possibly due to my advanced age–I was particularly caught off guard by its rudeness. A giant, flaming spotlight burst into my room around 7am, and brought with it another day of post-apocalyptic* hell. The air is scorched.

Don't be fooled by the lush greenery, it's hellish.

I longed to be outdoors. To walk, to run, to sit quietly on my porch. Even as I watched every outdoor surface struggle not to peel, melt, wither, or wilt, the pull of outdoor freedom strengthened. I ventured out in my standard uniform of jeans and a button-down shirt, only to retreat a few minutes later–drenched, defeated, dejected.

From the ashes of my pain rose a phoenix of style. I call it Safari.

I had a farm in Africa.

I couldn’t spend my entire summer lurking in the shadows, staying indoors.

The look consists, roughly of the following elements:

• pair of khaki bermuda shorts–the first pair of shorts I have owned since childhood–casually rolled up
• a white linen shirt, or a white tank top
• an oxblood belt (the shorts are too large, and thus have to be belted, which lends itself to the whole look nicely)
• a red bandanna, rolled up and tied around my neck
• shoes differ, but are usually yellow gladiator sandals
• Coming soon: a hat–I considered a pith helmet, but I am thinking something more along the Panama-style

There are also variations on the look:

• Dress Safari: shorts can be substituted for a skirt, or bandanna can be substituted for a silk scarf; earrings can be added to take the look from day to evening.
• Surf Safari {on occasion, one has to forsake the plains for the open seas}: white shirt replaced with a nautical stripe shirt; shoes are topsiders; nautical terms are used in conversation.

The sea is a cruel mistress.

Safari is more than just a look, it is a state of mind, a state of being. It combines an ease of mind with ruthless efficiency, ie “Could I kill a lion in these clothes?”**; “Can the hills of Africa sustain a coffee farm?”; “Give me that sandwich or I will shoot you with my elephant gun.”, etc.

Big game hunting aside, a change in style has done me good.

I wonder where I can buy a hat like hers?

*This post-apocalyptic world is more in the style of Mad Max, rather than The Road.

**Not that I would ever kill such a majestic creature, but if forced, would this be the appropriate outfit/state of mind.

This morning I awoke from a lovely dream. I was in New York, staying at the Waldorf…

Whoo-ahhh

…dating Al Pacino.

Then I awoke and came to the soul-crushing realization that instead of dancing the tango with Al and strolling through Central Park…

I ran there. True story.

…I have to go to work at 8am and teach an Asian cooking class… to 7-12 year olds.

Whoo-ah indeed.

For Immediate Release
Contact: Martha Tinkler
martha.tinkler@gmail.com or www.marthatinkler.com

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

TINKLER TO TOUR EASTERN SEABOARD

Savannah, GA - Martha Tinkler confirmed her May travel schedule and tour dates today from her office in Savannah. Her schedule is as follows:

• May 18: Washington, DC [Nationals Park] (Sold Out)
• May 19: Washington, DC [Nationals Park] (Afternoon appointments available)
• May 20: Washington, DC [National Portrait Gallery](Sold Out)
• May 21: Washington, DC (Dates, Times, and Location TBD)
• May 22: Washington, DC (Dates, Times, and Location TBD)
• May 23: Departs for New York, New York
• May 24: Queens, New York [Stark/Tinkler Stadium](Sold Out)
• May 25: New York, New York (Dates, Times, and Location TBD)
• May 26: New York, New York (Dates, Times, and Location TBD)
• May 27: Vermont [StrudelQueen]
• May 28: Vermont [StrudelQueen]
• May 29: New York, New York (Dates, Times, and Location TBD)
• May 30: Departs for Memphis from LGA

“This trip is long overdue. I’m just glad I can be there for my fans,” said Tinkler. “It’s all for the fans.”

Though her schedule is nearly full, Ms. Tinkler is still accepting appearance applications. Please contact her home office with any questions or applications.

Tinkler is currently in Savannah filming Paula’s Best Dishes.

###

a.a.h.e.

I have been attacked.

While I innocently pointed and clicked, dark forces lurked and waited until my McAfee subscription lapsed, and then–like a jungle cat hunting her prey–pounced upon my unsuspecting Lenovo. For shame. It invaded my computer and besmirched its hallowed applications. I cannot access my pictures, documents, or the internet from my little friend.

meow?

I write this today from a borrowed computer. It is just not the same. So, I am taking a break to heal my wounded partner, but hope to be up and running as quickly as possible.

Thank you for your patience and support in this time of adversity.

I would not describe myself as an overly prideful person. Aside from being one of the seven deadly sins,  it slows down the creative and working processes and gets in the way of everyday life.  I take pride in my work, but don’t get carried away. At my many jobs, I wash dishes, fetch all manner of goods, and generally do whatever task I–or my superiors–think might need doing, without regard to pride or the state of my apron. When not at work, I fall a lot, I sing with reckless abandon, I blog about Star Wars memorabilia. and have been known to take ridiculous pictures.

Perhaps they were made by a six year old, but they look excellent on me.

However, I do have some pride.

When a coworker mentioned me in his blog, I realized that it has been a bit since I touched up mine. Though he did not mean to take me to task, I felt a surge of writerly pride.

So, though it is short, it is a post. I was compelled.

I will be back soon with a full sized post, complete with pictures, alliteration, and perhaps a recipe.

For Immediate Release
Contact: Martha Tinkler
martha.tinkler@gmail.com or www.marthatinkler.com

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

TINKLER CONFUSES ADJECTIVES, NOUNS

For Immediate Release
Contact: Martha Tinkler
martha.tinkler@gmail.com or www.marthatinkler.com

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

TINKLER CRAFTS NOTEWORTHY CARDS

Savannah, Georgia- In the free time of her busy Savannah schedule, Martha Tinkler addressed the rumors surrounding her newest acquisition, personalized stationary.

“The rumors are true,” Tinkler sighed. “After years of struggle, I finally decided to seek help for my stationary [sic] woes. For many years I searched and searched for the perfect stationary[sic]. I bought many packs of note cards, just trying to fill that void. I went to all sorts of stores looking for a fix–some I’m not proud of–but I finally came to terms with my problem, and sought treatment.”

Ms.Tinkler entered Stovall Collection, a luxury paper goods store in her hometown of Memphis, TN. It was in Stovall, that Tinkler realized and accepted her problem. With the help of the boutique’s fine employees, Tinkler poured over a Crane & Co.* paper portfolio, making careful, deliberate decisions about fonts, paper size and shape, and colors.

“People often underestimate the importance of fonts,” Ms.Tinkler delineated. “For instance, an M that is slanting or sans serif  would not convey the resolve and strength of character that clearly defines me. I mean, Comic Sans? I think not.”

Ms. Tinkler is currently debuting her stationary [sic] to those of her public who exhibited exemplary friendship/professionalism in the last few weeks. As she only ordered 100 cards, the standard is high for card recipients.** Acquaintances should adjust their behavior accordingly.

a.a.h.e.

*For more information about the exceptional American corporation Crane & Co., see http://www.crane.com/
**Card writing is strictly merit-based. Behavior and character are taken into account, also, gifts. Though her birthday passed on Sunday, Tinkler gladly accepts belated presents. For gift ideas, please visit www.marthatinkler.com.

Fact: I love spring.

There is something about new growth, bright colors, and crisp, blustery days. It spurs in me a renewal of faith in the world around me. Perhaps it was not always so miserly, pinching away every bit of sunlight and warmth out of the last few months? Maybe the sun is here to stay. It certainly looks that way in my neighborhood. Cooper Young is alive with fat robins, flowering trees, green buds, and drunks on patios. Spring is here.

Green!

My hydrangea, until last week, was a pot full of brown sticks. Now, those brown sticks have little green leaves. It’s the little joys in life.

Speaking of little joys, I introduce you to my favorite flower: The mighty crocus. Unlike the daffodil–it’s large springtime friend and fellow favored flower–the crocus is on the front line of the springtime battle. While the cool winds of late February and early March might deter a weaker flower, the crocus–though wee–strikes a colorful blow against the barren winter wasteland. Its tiny blooms break through the bleak brown debris like a miniature cavalry, leading the attack.

Now, having filled my quota of metaphors and alliteration, I will show their noble faces.

Hello little soldiers!

Attack!

En garde!

"Forward, the Light Brigade!"

Sadly, spring is not all budding plants and poetic speeches  about diminutive blooming bulbs, there is also the matter of cleaning. After a harsh winter of sitting on my duff eating bonbons, the piper must be paid. Doors opened, furniture moved, dust  and cobwebs swept away, and ant traps set. Ants also love spring…and sugar, we have that in common.

In addition to my normal, begrudging cleaning, I also threw in a dash of redecoration.

Behold, The Home Office:

"Please step into my office...watch the bed."

Now I can sit at my desk to my write important documents. I even have paper clips; they are shaped like ducks.

At present, however, I have neglected my ultra-professional work space for the comforts of my front porch. For what are desks and paperclips compared to sunshine and a gentle breezes?

Porchin' it.

So, if you need me, I’ll be on the porch…until November. You can leave a message at the Home Office. They know where to find me.